Letter to Teagan

"Chris Bass told FOX8 he lives at the complex with his wife and two children. He was on his balcony when he spotted a man in a white mask, red curly hair, yellow dotted shirt, blue clown pants and clown shoes in the wooded area. Bass tried to chase the clown but could not catch him. He called his actions his "fatherly instinct."

http://myfox8.com/2016/09/06/third-clown-sighting-this-time-in-greensboro/

Dear Teagan, my precious niece,

There is a clown loose near my home in the Piedmont Triad. 

I had envisioned a future – you’d be older and able to handle bathroom things on your own, my dog who bites children will have succumbed to the long nap – in which you’d visit me here. 

I’d make you watch movies I think are important.  We’d bake cookies and eat pizza for every meal.  I’d probably cuss too much and beg you to not tell your parents. 

But it’s not safe here.  I’m afraid, until the clown is apprehended and pilloried, I’m just afraid.  What kind of world have we made for you, dear girl?  A clown, Teagan.  A clown is loose. 

In a perfect world, you could forge your own path, march to the beat of your own drumming, conjure and pursue your own ambitions.  I want that for you; of course I do.  But we’re not there yet. 

And so I must insist that you begin your martial arts and weapon training immediately.

Your father tells me you are able to hold a spoon but have not yet mastered getting the food to your mouth.  That is good, that is really good, but I need you to focus Teagan.  We have lost a lot of time already.  While it is not impossible to maim a clown with a spoon, it requires sophisticated dexterity. 

Until such time as I have procured a suitable sensei, please devote yourself to the classics.  I have included a copy of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War.  Devour it, sweet girl.  And do keep hammering away on those core muscle groups.  They are the foundation on which your victories are built. 

With all the love in my heart, I am your justifiably concerned aunt.